Finn Stuff

Great gigs on the weekend Canberra On Saturday thanks to Al and Tracey, and a bit of a sad one, Sunday as it was our last gig at the Home Tavern. The pub has been sold and Trevor is taking some time out to re asses. We have been playing at the Home Tavern for 12 years doing our first and last for the Wonderful Bigee Blues Club, The BBF will be ongoing in a new venue, Many thanks Trev for 12 years of support.

We were supposed to be at the Native Rose this Sunday but were double booked and will now be on the 16/12/18. Stormcellar are on this Sunday and I will be there to support, come and have a drink with me….the beer’s great

What About That 2669

Some strange things happening in this world, was a time when our countries leaders were the best and fairest….now we have Scum Mo.

What About That 2670

Probably going to annoy some with this, but our generation, whilst having some of the best minds are also the greediest generation ever….how did this happen, well I would suggest the self-funded retirement has a lot to do with it. Not suggesting you shouldn’t prepare for your retirement but it shouldn’t be mandatory.

When I was a kid 20% of the population gambled on the stock market, now that number would be up around 90% plus, and remember the Stock market is no fairer a guarantee than a punt on the horses and before you say aught, think back to 2008. Another one coming soon watch this space.

Jam Stuff

Don’t forget if you all bring a friend….(C’mon I know you have them), our numbers double.

Sign on 7.30 pm both venues

Wednesday on guitar Chris Turner and Bill Crossland on Bass as Al doing a gig with PJ O’Brien .

Grand crowds last week both venues good stuff

Musos Club jams website at:- http://jim0408.wixsite.com/musosclubjamnite

Celebrate New Year’s Eve and welcome 2019 with dinner & party at The Vault Port Kembla. Dance and party the night away with the fabulous Kerrie Sweeney and her band, with special support performance by Veronique Sweeney DE Havilland.

Tickets $100 per person at www.vault.events or 0468 405 833.

The gags.
#1

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
I’m so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.
My boss told me to have a good day.. so I went home.
A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian says “They’re right behind you!”
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
Why do blind people hate skydiving? It scares the hell out of their dogs.
My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange” I said: “No it doesn’t”
What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto.
What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Aye matey.
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming.

#2
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up? Because it was two tired!
Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.
When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think it’s a scream?
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the physco path.
And the lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life”. John came fifth and won a toaster.
What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look! I’m about to change.
I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do *not* read it!
What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.
Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? Because he was a little shellfish.

#3
Xmas jokes
What happens to elves when they behave naughty? Santa gives them the sack.
What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party? He had no-body to go with.
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A Mince Spy!
What says ‘Oh Oh Oh’? Santa walking backwards!
What do you call a greedy elf? Elfish.
What do zombies eat with their Christmas dinner? Grave-y.
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws!
What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Can you smell carrot?
What’s the best Christmas Present? A broken drum - you can’t beat it.
Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners? Rude-alph!
Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh? He wanted to see time fly!
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia!
Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ho, ho, ho.
What do you get if you combine Santa and a duck? A Christmas Quacker!
What do snowmen eat for lunch? Iceburgers!
Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles!
What happened to the thief who stole a Christmas Advent Calendar? He got 25 days!

#5
What is Santa’s dogs name? Santa Paws!
What falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt? Snow.
What never eats at Christmas dinner? The turkey – it’s stuffed.
Where does Santa stay when he is on holiday? At a Ho-ho-ho-tel.
What do you call Frosty the Snowman in May? A puddle!
Did you know that Rudolph the Reindeer never went to school? He was elf taught.
What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve!
What do snowmen usually wear on their heads? Ice caps!
Where do you find chilli beans? At the north pole!
What is a librarians favourite Christmas song? Silent Night
What do you call a frozen elf hanging from the ceiling? An elfcicle!
What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? Holly Davidson.
Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it 'soots’ him!
How do you know Santa is good at karate? He has a black belt!
What do you call an old snowman? Water.
What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school? The elf-abet.
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing - it was on the house!
What does Santa say at the start of a race? Ready, set, Ho! Ho! Ho!
Where do snowmen keep money? In a snow bank.
What type of cars do elves drive? Toy-otas.
Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman? Because he is so cool!
What do you call a cat on Christmas Eve? Sandy Claws.

#6
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Mary.
Mary who?
Merry Christmas.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow use - I’ve forgotten my name!

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Hannah.
Hannah who?
Hannah partridge in a pear tree!

#7
A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other redneck whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, “I think Bubba is dead! What should I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, “Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence……….then a shot is heard. The redneck’s voice comes back on the line, “Okay, now what?

#8
Different slant same joke.
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The woman took out her purse, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?”
“No,” I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.
“Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?” the woman asked.
“No, I don’t waste time shopping”, the homeless woman said. “I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.”
“Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?” the woman asked.
“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless woman. “I haven’t had my hair done in more than 20 years!”
“Well,” said the woman, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight.”
The homeless woman was astounded. “Won’t your hubby be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.”
The woman replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine!